Somehow a couple of punjabi’s infected me with sickness and a debilitating headache. It spurned me not drinking coffee on day and that turned into not drinking coffee for a week. There were crushing headaches that made it impossible to do anything for about three days. Typically, people complain about not being functional for a whole month after giving up caffeine. For me, sleep was totally different. Much less lying in bed and a much more rapid ability to fall asleep quickly. Naps are no longer a theoretical idea far from the realm of possibility. The whole experience of breaking out of a caffeine dependency has led me to a place where I am comfortable having coffee once a week. Over the past few years, coffee has become a major dependency of min. I would have never thought that one day I would find myself in a place where I would be limiting my caffeine intake so dramatically. In my case, that would be Sunday at a beachfront hotel that most of the locals steal from. Some people steal bananas, I steal coffee. I’m not sure anyone steals the little vodka bottles that they put out next to the orange juice. The pain that went with getting over a caffeine dependency inspired me to never have to go through something like that again. It really was terrible. Having said that, I think that I can allow myself to go on the fun roller-coaster that is blitzing my brain on caffeine once a week.
In my time decommissioned due to sickness, I allowed myself to watch a movie. No Country For Old Men. It wasn’t something I had never watched before but the time between watching it the previous time, was enough to have some novelty watching it last week. Overall, it felt way overrated. Every scene with Javier Bardem was great (he has an absolutely terrible body btw, kinda gross, especially for a Hollywood Person) and every scene with him is fun but that movie felt like it was based off of a book and it was. I felt that because there were a bunch of scenes that were in there and they felt rushed. Like they were significant scenes in the book but the director couldn’t figure out a way to meaningfully tie it into the movie script. The book is very much something that I aspire to read. It seems like a great book but the movie that they made wasn’t great. Not enough people make movies just as movies. It’s all usually based off of a book and that makes the movie product suffer. You know who makes movies that aren’t based off of books? Quentin Tarantino. I was watching Django and that movie is an amazing piece of imagination. How did that come out of Quentin Tarantino’s brain? Black, nigger magic.
58-54 on the regular season. Rams had me feeling good after the first half but they blew that game to the Niners. Onto the Playoffs!
BENGALS 🐅 (-6) over Raiders 🏴 -
Bengals. This might be a dumb pick. This Raiders team plays close games. I believe they’ve won four overtime games. Too bad, I watched a lot of their game against the Chargers were they duct-taped and rubber-banded their way into 35 points. It’s really baffling that they were able to put up that many points. Zay Jones is a really bad receiver. Darren Waller was dropping everything. Hunter Renfrow had less than thirty yards receiving but still had a couple tuggs. These Raiders seem like a football team of poor quality. These Bengals have Jamarr Chase. They also have this flaming dragon named Tee Higgins. I understand that their offensive line is questionable and the Raiders have a reformed drug addict named Maxx Crosby that is wrecking the game, but I just can’t pick this bad Raiders team over this boat of a Bengals offense.
BILLS 🐃 (-4) over Patriots 🇺🇸 -
Bills. Patriots have fucked me almost as much as the Giants and I continue my habit of picking against them. Let someone else pick plucky little Mac Jones.
BUCS ⛵️ (-8.5) over Eagles 🦅 -
Bucs. This is about the Bucs having a famously stout run-defense and the Eagles totally relying on their running game to score points.
COWBOYS 🤠 (-3) over Niners ⛏ -
Cowboys. They’ve been the best team against the spread this year and they have some very scary defensive lineman. Shout out Randy Gregory for getting over a drug addiction by getting hooked on Newports. Can the Niners beat a good team that isn’t in their division?
CHIEFS 🏹 (-12.5) over Steelers ⛓ -
Chiefs. The Steelers suck. Growing up my Mom really liked the Steelers because they were culturally relevant when she was an impressionable youth (the 70’s). Recently, she asked me why there are female broadcasters. Like, aren’t females smart enough to make an honest living? Guess not Mom. I guess some of them want to have cushy jobs that don’t really involve much and send them around the country to be a part of the show. I opined about how professional broadcasters need some other source of income because most all of them are too serious, afraid to make a joke, too preoccupied with maintaining serviceable relationships with the players and just generally talking too much because they are compelled to justify their existence. What I want is a female broadcaster that is willing to say someone is playing like a “pussy” or that so-and-so is really acting like a douchebag. You know, how you and I talk about the game, but on a live broadcast.
“Wow, Big Ben is playing like he’s sixty out there. Can he retire with dignity and announce after the game that it’s over for him?”
“Probably not Mom. He needs to drag this out and hold on to the last bit of limelight he has a hold of.”
“Will he get in the Hall Of Fame?”
“Probably. His stats are really great, he won a couple championships and the voting committee isn’t allowed to take into consideration off-the-field transgressions. Ben had some ‘wild’ younger days.”
“Why are the Steelers in the playoffs. This team is really bad!”
“I know Mom, it’s one of the great mysteries of 2021. Right after how people ever thought that it was possible to contain the spread of an airborne respiratory virus. How did this god-awful Steelers team that tied the Lions ever make the playoffs. The former is best-explained with the fact that a lot of people are very dumb and need to be able to feel some modicum of control. When the only way to go about something is to do nothing about it, then people lose their minds so we need to do something even if doing nothing is the best course of action. I guess we can explain the Steelers thing with saying that another coach got addicted to going for it on fourth down and it really didn’t work out in his favor. It was a fun time but it didn’t turn out great.”
“Son, you are really good at articulating thoughts!”
“Thanks Mom, I know. My brain is a gift from Black Baby Jesus.”
Cardinals 🐤 (+4) over RAMS 🐏 -
Cardinals. I want at least one underdog and I like this one the best. Matt Stafford is a fraud and I think he’ll wet the bed like a misbehaving Chihuahua.